Part of the “Dr. Tooni” women’s health and empowerment project: “Self-Love Shoes: All About the Right Fit.”

This random metaphor for romantic relationships just popped into my head one day.

It started off as “how I convey that a partner who isn’t a good fit for you may feel good in the short term but ultimately can have detrimental effects in the long term”?

Thus came the shoes analogy. Any pair of shoes might be a welcome relief compared to going barefoot, but if they’re too big, small, wide, narrow, stiff, etc, they can hurt you after wearing them for a while.

You can get blisters, bruises, or even joint pains in the feet or knees from improper cushioning or weird walking patterns.

But then I took it one step further (no pun intended). Why go through life barefoot? Why can’t we be our own best partner, friend, parent, whatever our inner child needs from us?

Society brainwashes us into thinking that it’s better to be partnered up than single, but this isn’t true for everyone. It depends on who you are and what you want.

(I personally love romantic love, and have always looked forward to partnering up. But I’ve come to learn that an unhealthy relationship is worse for me than being single.

I fall deeply, take every connection seriously, and need time to get over someone, even if I know they’re wrong for me, which emotionally does not free me up to be available for the right partner.)

Without further ado, this wacky cartoon!:

1) I drew 2 random characters; I don’t mean to imply certain races, ethnicities, gender, or orientations when it comes to love. Love is love.

2) I don’t mean to imply that there is only one soulmate out there for each person. I believe in multiple soulmates, but that’s just my personal belief. Others believe in “The One” or no soulmates at all.

3) I love puns haha so couldn’t help the play on words – Solemate (the “soles” of feet/shoes are the bottoms)

4) After drawing this, I realized these “Self-Love” Shoes can apply to any type of relationship, not just romantic ones. I believe we need to be able to take care of our basic emotional needs, otherwise we would risk over-relying on others for our happiness (codependence).

Of course humans are not meant to be isolated and need connection, and need to rely on each other, but I think there is a certain line when if crossed, the relationship becomes unhealthy.

A healthy relationship has give and take; it would seem unfair if only one person had shoes and the other did not. But if two people both have their Self-Love Shoes on, they can share and create something bigger than themselves, together!

If you enjoyed this, please share it!! <3

If you are struggling with self-love or finding your “shoes,” let’s chat. I’d love to see how I can help.


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Who am I?
Hi! I'm Dr. Toni, a carTOONIst. I empower, educate and advocate for women and minorities through my art and coaching, while traveling nomadically. I help others also follow our hearts and live true to themselves, no matter what others say!
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