WHAT IS "STEALTHING"?
What is “Stealthing”?
The term “Stealthing” came about recently, around 2014. Stealthing is the act of taking off or damaging a condom during sex WITHOUT the consent of the partner.
Statistics report that 32% of women and 19% of MSM (Men who have Sex with Men) reported having ever experienced stealthing. They report feeling shocked, betrayed, and violated since they were exposed to possible infections/diseases or pregnancy, when they thought they wouldn’t be.
This is extremely sad and alarming, but what’s even more so is that some people don’t think they have a right to be upset about it, or stand up for themselves.
This short post is to educate that Stealthing exists, that it is real, and very violating because it’s non-consensual. It’s illegal in many countries, and is considered a form of sexual assault/rape.
With all the Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) out there, many of which are not curable, protecting yourself with condoms or other barrier methods are more important than ever!!
If you agree to use protection and the other person just takes off the condom or had poked a hole in it without you knowing, you are exposed to whatever they may have, and this can’t be undone. 25% of people in America have an active HPV (Human Papilloma Virus which causes cancer) infection, and 60% are carriers of the Herpes virus, although they may never have an outbreak of the ulcers.
We all have a right to discuss and consent to any sexual activity, or any activity in general. It’s basic human respect to only do things that both (or all) people are comfortable with.
This consent is ongoing, and we have a right to stay informed the entire time!! If we want to make a change, such as take the condom off, we need to ASK FIRST, and respect a “no” for an answer if our partner says so.
We also have the right to change our minds at any time! If at any point, someone disrespects the agreement, that is considered sexual assault/rape.
One of my favorite videos about consent uses inviting someone for tea as a metaphor:
Another wonderful comic illustrates just how ridiculous some of the pressures people face are when it comes to consent.
Outside of sexual activities, we don’t treat people like this, so why do some people feel entitled to disrespect others like this?
If you are uncomfortable with doing something, anything, you have a right to say “No,” at ANY time, even if you had said “Yes” at first. You are not ever obligated to finish an activity if you are no longer enjoying it or no longer want to.
You have every right to your own body, your own safety, and your own physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
If you see or hear about someone making another person uncomfortable, please say something!! It’s up to all of us to make this world a safer place for everyone!!
One response
I didn’t know this was a real thing with a name. I can’t imagine any reason when something would think it’s okay to remove/sabotage a condom without his/her partner’s knowledge, other than to force a pregnancy on them. Or to intentionally transmit an infection.
I suppose that, as with many circumstances of abuse/assault, the victims feel uncomfortable about escalating the situation. So they just cross their fingers and hope it will be okay, or they discover afterwards and hope it doesn’t happen again.