Summary: How our outer and inner worlds are connected, and how we can make lasting changes.

I truly believe our outer world is a reflection of our inner worlds. Everything around us reflects back what we put out there.

We can try to hide it and tell ourselves we are presenting ourselves to the world in a certain way.

But how we REALLY feel inside, subconsciously, is way more powerful in influencing how we feel, behave, and therefore what responses we get from our surroundings and what results we create.

We get what we put in. From my personal experiences, I found that if I approached life with a fearful or jaded attitude, I only attracted or created experiences that confirmed these negative beliefs.

And the opposite happened when I let myself take on a different attitude, of hope, optimism, and gratitude.

To truly change our external world, we have to shift ourselves internally first.

It may feel like the world is just “happening” to us and we are the poor victim of our circumstances, but that is simply not true.

Though we can’t control what’s going on around us, we can ALWAYS control how we react to it. We CAN break the cycle, instead of playing the victim card over and over, creating the same results we’ve always gotten.

We CAN choose a new path for ourselves, at anytime.

I had a really hard time believing this for such a long time. I had all sorts of excuses.

Like there are some situations that are entirely out of my hands, never changeable, or unable to generate anything positive or a life lesson. (Fixed mindset vs. growth mindset)

Or that this is all just “confirmation bias.” There is definitely some, but I always have some degree of power to influence my surroundings. (If I were feeling love vs. fear towards someone, if they tried to provoke me, the way I react can either de-escalate or feed into their anger further.)

Also there is evidence is all around me that people who choose to react differently create very different realities for themselves, as illustrated in this post by Shany Biran:

The “So I”
I was born poor, so I take what life gives me
I was born poor, so I learned to hustle.
I was born into wealth, so I never learned to hustle.
I was born into wealth, so I use every opportunity to invest and give back
I didn’t get attention from my parents, so I never learned how to socialize
I didn’t get attention from my parents, so I became a community leader for isolated souls
I was told I couldn’t do things like math and science, so I went into a “socially acceptable” course of study
I was told I couldn’t do things like math and science, so I got a doctorate in physics and won 2 Nobel prizes.
I grew up with abuse, so I became an abuser
I grew up with abuse, so I vowed to become an advocate against violence
“So I” is an illusion
You not only decide your story,
You decide whether you decide your story.

Yes, no two people can have the EXACT same set of circumstances, and inherent privileges and disadvantages do exist unfortunately.

As much as I’d love for the world to be completely fair and am fighting for such a world one day, we can’t choose what circumstances we were born into.

Each person has different genetics, opportunities, and baseline networks. We may look at other people and think “Ugh lucky them, they didn’t need to work hard because they were born into wealth/this country/a stable family” or “They have connections I don’t have” or “It’s not what you can do, it’s whom you know.”

And we justify continuing on in our bitter, fearful, self-defeating way of living life.

But even though we have different starting points and different obstacles on our path, we are ALL capable of moving, if we choose to.

And if we move consistently, long enough, towards our goals, we WILL eventually get there.

Does it really serve us at all to compare our journey to others, or how much “easier” or “harder” others have it?

We may fall off course, or even go backwards, but that only happens when we DOUBT ourselves – and this is under our control.

What if we saw every failure as a step forward, not back? What really is left to fear? The only way we can go off course or backwards is by NOT TRYING or AVOIDING our dream, which we create for ourselves when we DOUBT ourselves.

Is there a guarantee we’ll get there before death? Unfortunately no. That’s been the hardest part of all this for me. As someone who’s always needed certainty, it’s terrified me to confront these thoughts and feelings even though I knew they were unhealthy for me to hold onto.

I realized that life is inherently uncertain. Being comfortable with this uncertainty is a necessary part of living. We often don’t think about all the risks there are around us – we or a loved one can get sick or die at any time, for any reason. Car accidents, mass shootings, crimes.

I can try to minimize risk by never leaving my home, working entirely online without commuting (I actually have a huge fear of driving due to some accidents), living vicariously through media and others’ stories.

But this is not a life I want. And I can’t control what my loved ones do or what will happen to them. There will always be something to worry about if I make fear the core of my internal world.

When we put something else there instead, such as love, everything changes. We can operate more from joy, inspiration, faith, and gratitude. We can fully believe in ourselves and others. The world becomes more vibrant, and we can finally LIVE fully.

This is not easy, however, and it requires frequent, consistent thoughtwork, on your own with books, podcasts, journaling, meditation, and with a guide such as a coach, therapist, or other healer who can point out your blind spots.

Even if we feel we’ve overcome a limiting belief, it often still comes back or sneakily presents itself in a new way.

As with physical fitness, you can’t expect results from exercising once. Going regularly to the mental/emotional “gym” is similar.

Our inner battle is invisible, but it’s definitely the most important one. Any external changes we make, our inner worlds will still follow us no matter where we go, what new job we take, thing we buy, relationship we enter, or lifestyle we take on, and that will impact everything we experience.

So what do you choose for yourself? How colorful do you want your world to be? You fully have the power to change it.

No one else can force you to be a certain way, and you can’t force others. We are each capable and fully responsible for our own lives that we choose. By starting from within, healing and shifting our inner worlds.

If you’d like support with healing your inner world, join our loving Acceptsians community or contact me anytime. We’re all here for you!!