Summary: We matter, even if all we do is exist. All beliefs are worth challenging; there are very few absolute truths.
I recently realized I’ve been so afraid of committing fully to my business or being an entrepreneur. I’m afraid of failure, but also afraid of success.
It doesn’t make sense. Why would anyone fear success?
Maybe subconsciously I thought if I became a successful entrepreneur doing what I love, it would mean hurting my family since I’d be rejecting the values they taught me, that work needs to be hard and that you need to suffer in order to enjoy the money you earn.
This assumed we are worthless unless we are striving, struggling, hustling, and constantly proving ourselves.
I had always held onto this belief so tightly and always felt I had to keep achieving in order to prove myself as a worthy human being.
Until one day I challenged this thought (I loved discovering Byron Katie’s 4 Liberating Questions):
She developed a process of self-inquiry which she now calls “The Work.” It involves asking four simple questions about each belief that causes us pain:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
- How do you react when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without the thought?
How true is this value of struggle = worthy? How do I know 100% if it’s true, or can I??
And what would it be like if I allowed myself to stop striving? Because I’ve already proven myself by existing? Because I matter?
It made me SO uncomfortable to think about sitting around all day and doing nothing. Just existing. Doing whatever I feel like each day.
A good friend of mine pointed out that this is okay. This is being true to ourselves, healing ourselves.
If we allowed ourselves the freedom to just be, we would not sit idly. We would do what we feel called to do, which would be out of love or joy, rather than obligation.
Because the inner voice of our highest selves will call us to do certain things.
If we are struggling with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues, this voice may have trouble speaking. Once we seek help and allow ourselves to care for ourselves and heal, however, we can always find our way back.
How wonderful life would be!! To do things out of joy, love, play, curiosity, rather than fear, obligation, dread, or desperation.
After allowing myself to slow down and sit in quiet for a bit the past month, I’m rediscovering the joy and passion I felt for why I started what I’m doing in the first place.
I’ve embraced that I hate screen-time and social media, so it’s okay to not use a certain platform or post as frequently as I “should.” I will post when I feel like it, and often I am inspired at least once a week.
I also admitted to the loneliness and isolation I’ve felt due to Covid-19 but also to the friendships that have changed as I’ve grown rapidly the past few years.
As an introvert and Highly Sensitive Person, I crave deep connections but am also scared of being hurt at the same time.
I’ve felt that if I showed my true self to someone, they may choose to leave. This fear of abandonment stems back from childhood when I had to move and change caregivers at age 3.
As I grow in self-love and self-worth, I am less afraid of that, because if I can’t be my true self with someone, it’s not a real, authentic relationship. We’re too different to be in each other’s lives, and that’s okay.
It’s never “too late” to make friends, even though it feels harder with age as people’s lives fill up.
I do think that true soul connections are so rare though, that we can’t help but be drawn to and stay in each other’s lives, no matter when we meet.
I have met so many such people in the past few months, all online but that doesn’t matter. Though we have never met in person, I feel so connected to and aligned with them.
Current events are causing us to challenge the status quo and many of our existing beliefs. It’s really shaken things up for us, but that’s been a wonderful thing.
I highly recommend we challenge all our beliefs, even the ones that seemed to be absolute truths. We may be surprised by what we find!!
If you’d like help challenging your most tightly-held thoughts, feel free to contact me anytime. Here for you!
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